They say sarcasm shows weakness, but who gives a crap what they think?! While some may think that sarcasm is a slippery slope, others believe that sarcasm is actually a sign of intellect.

May these sarcastic inspirational quotes help you to handle criticism in a gentle way, cultivate a positive mindset that will make you smile along the way. Share these sarcastic quotes about life with your friends, family, and loved ones to inspire them as well.

Sarcastic Quotes

  1. These hilarious, inspirational, sarcastic quotes will make your day because sometimes sarcasm is the way to go!

2. When someone says: ”Expect the unexpected” slap them and say: ”You didn’t expect that,did you?”.

3. If someone asks: ”Are you crazy?”

Simpy reply: ”yes”. Just like that.
End of discussion.

4.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

God made me pretty

What happened to you?

5. I’m sorry for the mean, awful and accurate things i said.

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6. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

7. I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time

8. Find your patience before I lose mine.

9. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

10. Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.

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11. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

12. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne

13. I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

14. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.

15. If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

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16. Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

17. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.

18. If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.

19. I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.

20. It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull.

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21. Life’s good, you should get one.

22. The road to success is always under construction.

23. Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

24. I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

25. What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

26. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

27. Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.

28. If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

29. I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

30. I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

31. No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.

32. Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

33. People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

34. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

35. Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry you’re safe.

36. There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.

37. You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

38. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. – Winston Churchill

39. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. – George Bernard Shaw

40. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

41. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

42. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

43. Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

44. If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

45. People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

46. You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.

47. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. 

48. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

49. Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.

50. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there

51. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

52. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

53. I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work. – Anonymous

54. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. 

55. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

56. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

57. Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

58. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

59. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

60. Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

61. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

62. Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.

63. You have a very strong grasp of the obvious.

64. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste

65. If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

66. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

67. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

68. Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too.

69.When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

70. I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

71. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

72. Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

73. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

74. My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

75. I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.

76. It’s your lie…tell it however you want

77. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

78. Dear Life. Could you at least start using lubricant?

79. You sound better with your mouth closed.

80. Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

81. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

82. When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ 

83. Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

84. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.

85. I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

86. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.’

87. Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.

88. The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.

89. Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

90. Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.

91. You know what I like about people? Their dogs.

92. Sorry, I’m not really good at acting like I care

93. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

94. I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

95. Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.

96. You are about as useful as a white crayon.

97. Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.

98. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.

99. Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.

100. I don’t keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business.

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